i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
