Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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