God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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