Someone shit on the floor
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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