wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
