woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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