just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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