i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
