Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
