Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
