my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
