He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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