did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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