At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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