Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
