You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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