hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
