watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're too hungover to prance.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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