mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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