Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
