Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
