He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
