He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
