You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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