after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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