Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
