there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
