Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
