He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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