I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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