he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
