Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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