Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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