So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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