i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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