Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
