so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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