im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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