I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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