He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
