No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
