I need help removing her.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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