Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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