i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
