I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
