you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I party with great urgency now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
