just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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