U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
