I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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