So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
