Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize