I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
