i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
