don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
