I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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