mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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