the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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