I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize