I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
