Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
