I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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