Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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