That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
