DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
