Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
