I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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