She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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