why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
