We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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