is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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