She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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