he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
