so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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