Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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