Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
