the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
