just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
