I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
