Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
