at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
