why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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