census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
